Computer Viruses (humor)

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: 
Your 1.3gb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80mb and then slowly expands back to 1.3gb.

AT&T VIRUS: 
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI VIRUS: 
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: 
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back...

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: 
Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.

TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: 
Prints "oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort".

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: 
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

EMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: 
Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: 
It starts by boldly stating "Read my docs...No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.

DENVER BRONCOS VIRUS: 
Makes your P133 machine perform like a 286/AT

L.A.P.D. VIRUS: 
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense".


ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS:
Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC

MONICA LEWINSKY VIRUS:
Sucks all the memory out of your computer

TITANIC VIRUS:
Makes your whole computer go down

DISNEY VIRUS:
Everything in the computer goes Goofy

MIKE TYSON VIRUS:
Quits after one byte

LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS:
Turns your hard disk into a 3.5-inch floppy

TIM ALLEN VIRUS:
Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive

WOODY ALLEN VIRUS:
Bypasses the motherboard and turns on daughter card

SADDAM HUSSEIN VIRUS:
Won't let you into any of your programs

TONYA HARDING VIRUS:
Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons

JOEY BUTTAFUOCO VIRUS:
Only attacks minor files

X-FILES VIRUS:
All your Icons start shape-shifting

RONALD REAGAN VIRUS:
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored

DR. JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS:
Deletes your old files